Dear Coleen, I’m a guy in my 30s and I’m getting married to my fiancee at the end of August. It’s a small event, as we planned it earlier this year to comply with Covid restrictions. I’m happy about that as I don’t like a lot of fuss.
However, even though it’s a small wedding, my fiancee and her mum are driving me nuts over the arrangements and want to control everything – even what’s in the speeches.
Her mother even asked for phone numbers for my best man and ushers, so she can coach them about what to do on the day!
As it is, most of the guests are friends of theirs – again, I was OK about this.
I have a small family and a few good mates and they’ll all be there.
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But the way my fiancee and her mum are behaving is really taking the shine off things for me, to the point where I feel like backing out.
I did lose my rag once and told her that her mum was annoying me.
But she just told me that as her parents were paying for most of the wedding, there was nothing I could say and I just had to get on with it. Have you got any advice on what – if anything – I should do?
And how do I go into this wedding feeling happy and positive when it’s the last thing I feel at the moment?
Um, well, you are entitled to an opinion actually, whether your fiancee’s family is paying for the wedding or not. It’s your day, too, and it might be worth reminding them there is no wedding without the groom!
It’s a shame when the real meaning of the day gets overtaken by the stress of arrangements and disagreements over things that don’t really matter.
It should be about celebrating your love and your future together and all the other fuss and fanfare is really for other people.
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Try not to get involved in any arguments, which I realise is hard if you’re feeling stressed and dealing with a mother-in-law from hell.
Explain to your fiancee how this is making you feel like you want to run away and that being bossed and controlled is ruining it for you.
She needs to work out what’s more important – keeping her mum happy or making you happy.
It sounds like they both need to take a deep breath, relax and remember this is meant to be enjoyable and fun.
There will always be an element of stress with any wedding, big or small. But your fiancee should put your feelings first and stand up to her mum if she’s doing things that you’re not happy about.
Marriage is about teamwork and compromise, so she may as well get on board with that now.